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Saturday, January 5, 2013

My Significant Other : Perfection in a relationship

Admittedly, I give the IRS a hard time. In reality I am terrified some ex boyfriend or louver is behind my now committed relationship with a government agency. Granted, I have issues with money and love but this is taking it a bit too literally.

All that I did was I did not use the right form and previously I didn't put the amount of money in the right box. Then again I am lonely so this could be my destiny and designed a perfect relationship with some named M. Atwell. I really hope M. Atwell is a single adorable Ian Smolderhotter look a like ( yes I misspelled on purpose Thank you Dlisted ) and yet I know different because my Accounting 1 teacher said so.

You see its all a big government plot to distract single women into thinking everything is okay because the IRS hires 2 to 3000 CPAs to do audits on said innocent people who may or may not have mistakenly done their taxes in pencil and be bad at math. So the goal of this small nimble army of men and women who are trained in numbers is to get up to $3 MILLION dollars back to the IRS. ( side note: I know its a racket because $3 Million doesn't even cover the cost of hiring the army of CPA's but remember this is the government we are talking about here )

Now I don't have $3Million dollar and in reality the IRS does need it because Congress can't get anything done without doing anything in the first place ( it would require them to work and well let's just say Bill Clinton had it right when he shut down the government ). So why is this the perfect relationship well let's face it I am not Christie Brinkley circa 1979 ( side fact Christie Brinkley was supposedly born in 1954 I think she is part vampire ) and I really have seen my cooking skills slowly deteriorate where I question boiling water is a good idea for pasta dishes.  Then there is my whole credit history issue which means to say I most likely will never be married because if anyone looks at my credit rating they will run away like most of the used car salesmen I met.

Now, I am set in my ways and well I don't travel as much as I should and really do you see an IRS agency just taking the day off to go to Santa Cruz, yeah me neither.

In short, The IRS and I are made for each other and while I will be continued to be disappointed that the IRS doesn't remember my birthday or show up for dinner I will still pay the IRS because you know I am a job creator even if its a lonely CPA who has a vendetta against me for breaking his heart because well he really didn't look like Al Pacino afterall.





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