Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Please No Autographs Today

It is not a secret that I walk a lot. Really, I walk about 30 miles a week; even when I do get a Zipcar I tend to walk a lot in the malls. While that may seem like a feat of epic achievement you should see me in a packed  coffee shop.

Yes, I can go to a Starbucks on a Sunday morning and garner a table with 2 chairs. Now, you have probably been there too, you know when you enter a Starbucks or maybe Philz Coffee and somehow amazingly snag a table for two when its just you sitting there relaxing and enjoying a cup of coffee. Then amazingly the coffee shop gets very busy like its Peet's Coffee and you see that person. That person who is searching for a table for two because that person is at that coffee shop to meet with someone else and they have spotted you sitting at a table for two but you are only one person and well....they stare at you trying to figure out if you are leaving soon.
I have had this happen to me on a few occasions because I get a lot of coffee shop gift cards ( thanks ! ). So, I have devised a slight plan of action when this rude behavior starts...I try to hide my face like the person is taking a photograph in a way similar to how most celebrities react when there is Paparazzi  thus by using my cup as a shield. 
If that doesn't stop the offending party from staring at me still because usually by now one person is joined by other paparazzi like friends searching for an open table and they assume that because I am sitting by myself I must be leaving soon instead of trying to sit in the morning sun relax and enjoy a cup of java without being hounded by the scores of photographers and autograph seekers that may or may not be looking for me ( maybe not THIS lifetime ).
I simply put up five fingers as in "$5 for this table" some have mistaken this act as a wave and they approach asking "will you be leaving in 5 minutes?" to which I reply "No, but if you have five dollars you can have this table " Usually men reply "do you accept Visa?" where women ask "are you serious?" to which I reply the now obvious intrusion into my morning routine " didn't your mother teach you any manners and not to stare at people?" and that usually scares them off but then the tenacity of some people will amaze you so my last resort is simply state to the offending party and plainly state " I am sorry, but Im not doing any autographs today " It works almost all the time and I suggest it to others to utilize in the arsenal when people are staring.

For future reference if you do see me out and about autographs are $5 and photographs are $10 each, please have exact change or just stop staring :)!

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