Seriously, when you think about the time and dedication I put into a faux relationship you would think it would last longer given the other side only calls me when I haven't submitted a payment. Well lo and behold I am on the verge of calling it quits because believe it or not I don't get flowers, I don't even get a Thank You for making a payment I get summarily dismissed once the bill is paid in full.
Apparently, I am about to be dismissed. You see for most people when they do their taxes they have the audacity to either owe money or get money from the IRS. Apparently, I being the one stuck in a one way relationship do not get such preferential treatment because whatever my return would be gets sucked right back into Daddy War Bucks pocket and thus our relationship ends until next year.
While I should be glad to get rid of the ole ball and chain I can't really say I am. You see this relationship was a great conversation piece for me kinda like what Clint Eastwood did at the RNC. I would make a reservation for two and show up in desperate feign hope that my "Significant Other" would magically appear, thus I was would get the pitiful 10% off discount on my bill because I was basically "stood up" hence I used this a lot at restaurants - one time I got a free dessert out of it!
While other people get "CatFished" on a regular basis, I am not so lucky and just make it up because really if I am going to be in a relationship that takes all my money it should be with a government agency. That being said, do you know any single CPA's or Tax Auditors? If so, send them my way!
Like the John Mayer song "St Patrick's Day" my relationship isn't going to make to my birthday either.