Thursday, March 31, 2016

Okay last one for March

Wow we're done with the repeating posts today...March is a great month we got rain and we got sun. There was Cinequest and Comic Con in addition to a lot of other great events that I can not say I got to enjoy all of them but there was some great events to go to.

That said here is the last repeat post for March 2016...

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Heartache or heatmelt repeat valentines past

A hole has been ripped into my heart and I am having issues with this so I am going to deal with it but let's see how I did before because its easier to repeat stuff then eat a whole baguette of pesto bread and a pint of gelato...or two

Dear Cupid: Please stop this crush ....

Dear Cupid:

I really do not need to be crushing on someone I will never meet. I think we covered this in the Spinster Diaries that when one person develops a crush on someone popular its not to attain said crush but the best passive aggressive way to be in a relationship that will likely never happen.

So, can we stop this crush now? I mean right now. I do not need to buy season tickets or jerseys or anything I need to go out and do things, meet real humans, buy a real bra, not sit at home googling said crush. Its pathetic.
Yes, having a crush means I don't get hurt because I will never meet said crush ever, its never going to happen.

Aside from all the unlikely scenarios that have been made up This Guy is not going to find me attractive, smart, funny, or even remotely cute. I am like living road kill and he would pass me up faster than a dead skunk on the road.

What you say Cupid, I have got better things to do, and help me stop this crush because I am getting eye strain and really there are better ways for me to be pathetic watching Harry Met Sally and eating a pint of New York Super Fudge Chunk.


From 2009 ..this guy ....

I know I need to exercise but I don't need an exercise in heartache

My cooking skills are still rudimentary to the point I could possibly burn water. Why that may sound impossible give me a shot and I will tell you the time that I did just that. So, you can guess I am skeptical meeting a new man to be in my life, right? I mean the other day I was just lamenting the fact I was ssssoooo alone, desperate for companionship to the point I was thinking of getting a stuffed dog. Yes, I was.

So, I got this one Saint who seems to listen to me, I know its probably the saints for crazy people right. Well, since my mom passed away I have tested this theory of this particular saint paying attention a few times and never let down even when I got a mere $45 check when I had no money whatsoever or so I thought.

What happened? A guy finds me while I am walking. I might as well had a sign stamped on my head "Desperate Single White Woman" because there was no other way in the world this would be possible right. Well, I do my best as a single woman can to

Scare him off. Yup, I work the puns in like "lemme guess, you are a mass murderer" "did you just get release from the hospital where you were in a coma" and a personal favorite " I think I have to sneeze, on you"

Why is it I am so desperate for a man in my life, one shows up and I am scarring him off faster than death itself. What the hell is wrong with me? Why did I even try to push him away? Did he even notice my bra strap peaking thru. My mom pants I was wearing. While I love the benefits of being single I hear coupledom has some nice things like longevity and hugs and such.

I know I should have just kept walking. I need to lose the weight before anyone can get serious with me.

***** finally proof I should just get a dog from 2010

My Valentine Lament : Finding True Love isn't hard at all

****Yup, I am on the lecture circuit here so if you don't care about heart desires or anything regarding one's heart well go to politico junkee site SF Usual and come back in by the 15th okay :) *****

What is it about True Love and Saint Valentine's Day? Really, putting that much pressure on a guy dressed in diapers is not cool and may be considered child abuse, but every year we expect something if anything to happen on Saint Valentine's Day that will solve all of our problems.

Really, you should get a dog instead. No, I am very serious about that forgo procreation and go for companionship and someone who will agree with you no matter what. Why do I say this if not solely because my "inbetween job" selling dog food I see couples every weekend and I keep meeting the same pair of people over and over. I don't know if this is fair or not but it is true I have met the following types of people

1) The control couple : these two are battling over who has control over what and really they should leave each other and keep the dog(s).
2) The " okay " couple: one partner doesn't really care what the other one is frantically obsessing over at the time and insist on giving "okay" in response to anything slightly topical like the weather
3) The "we're going to make this work or else" couple : Usually this couple has an either enormous or very tiny dog with some unusual ailment.
4) The "cat" couple: similar to the "okay" couple but they have cats instead.

Now, nothing is physically or mentally wrong with any of these couples but emotionally these people are a ticking time bomb of emotions that their animal counterparts would be better apt at handling instead they come to a pet food store and see me.

Now, let's start with the Couple #2 the "okay" couple. First off, there is money issues and since this topic has been moved off the table one partner is shorten their responses to "okay" thus avoiding any conflict what so ever while the other partner has accepted the response as approval not disregard that is intended. When I find this couple I have to completely ignore the "okay" partner because my goal isn't to solve their problem but sell dog food which has its perks but is very unglamorous. I need to sell treats and the other pet food too so I am going after partner that says "okay" yeah, its a cruel twist in that I will "sell" the food to the more dominant partner but the "okay" one will give me permission for add ons and the ilk. This is very good for me except I need to hold the attention of the dominant partner with 20 questions and engage but my permission is almost automatic with the "okay" partner.
Both people would save money, time and well my time by simply finding love isn't suppose to be "okay" it is FANTASTIC with Wild Sex and AMAZING adventures everyday you want to get up and just go for the moon! Hence they would do better with a dog and not each other because if anything there are some dogs that do nothing but chase balls all day if for the thrill of that chase.

Now, couple number 4 the "cat" couple. These people usually are up to their eye balls in cats and have several cat stories to share with me but not with each other. You see the problem I need to sell these people cat and dog food but they only want cat food. Sincerely not a lot to work with and all the while there is an "okay" part of the couple this usually involves what is actually happening to said "cat". If they would just go out and get a dog they would be fine. Seriously, a dog doesn't have to worry about hairballs and Urinary tract or anus sacks bursting which one strong male did have to relate to me in one sales and well was pretty bad when his female companion proceeded to lament the mess left over because he ran out with cat to the emergency room unknowing what had happened in the first place.
Dogs are way easier.

For our next two couples needing a dog instead of each other I am going to boils it down too this small but well known fact...Dogs only need exercise, food, clean water and you to tell them your problems and they wag their tail.

They don't want to know about Chicken By-Products or corn gluten meal they want to loved and they have lots of love to give.

Now for all those people who have pet dander allergies try loving yourself and the rest of the world will follow.
Post a Comment